Posted 21 July 2013 by Brandan Fokken

How To Deal With Negativity

During Your Quest For Success

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Are you active in the fitness industry? Compete? Workout enthusiast? Have a weight loss success story? Do you share healthy recipes online? Do you skip the bar on the weekends to hit the gym and live the fit life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it’s safe to say you probably have a hater or even haters. Even if you haven’t experienced anything negative yet, more often than not you will. 

“What’s this?!? Haters?” you say… Yes, one of the drawbacks of success in any field will always be people trying to bring you down. They will talk bad about you, belittle you to others, and even make up lies about you.

haters_q1.pngI am asked quite often how people should handle haters. How I do, and what advice I can give to them to continue on their own personal journeys and not be brought down by the negativity of others.

To be completely honest I am hated on EVERY DAY. I’ve accepted this and refuse to let it get to me. In the beginning this wasn’t always the case, and I initially had a hard time understanding why people could bash on me for doing good things in my life. My industry friends and clients all have come to sound like a broken record, all telling horror stories of friends, family, and even people they’ve never met launching attacks on them and their lifestyles. This is a topic I’ve grown to know well. Although I only put positive things out there to the world, apparently I am cocky, arrogant, conceited, unhealthy, too big, too small, blah blah blah.

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Why they do it:

In life 50% of people will be happy for you the other 50 won’t, that's how it goes with just about anything. I’m being modest in my estimates. That’s Just how it is.

People fear what they don't understand, and for most of the general public they don't haters_q2.pngunderstand the fitness industry, dieting, healthy living, etc. Fear leads to anger and anger to hate...Thank Yoda for that one, but it’s true. When the hate doesn't work they will make up lies to try to hurt you and bring you down. DONT LET THEM.

Jealousy is another reason for people’s actions. Why? Because they don't have the motivation, will power, or even knowledge to do what you do, or they are just lazy and feel bad about whom they are so they try to diminish your light. You are the mirror image of what they wish to be.

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Things to think about:

This is your journey and you decided to take this path. It’s your path and yours alone, so embrace it and don't let haters in on it, they don't belong there.
For people who post a lot of online positivity. No matter how nice your pictures are or how real your quotes are, there are some people who will never hit the “like” button just because it’s you.

Have you ever met a hater doing better than you? Me neither…
For the most part these people don’t know you. Not who you really are inside anyways. They haters_q3.pngknow what their biases perceptions tell them, but they don’t know how this life style makes you feel, the confidence you have gained because of it, the benefit it has on your life and others around you.

Understand why you do what you do and your purpose. If you truly know it’s good, good for you, doesn’t hurt anyone, and helps inspire and motivate others, then allow it to continue under your terms. You define you. If you have good intentions and want to truly better yourself and or help others, then do it.

Do these "haters" pay your bills? Will you still be friends in 5 years? Do they decide if you will or will not be happy in life? In most all cases you can say no to all of the above. If they don't have a direct effect on your life...why care? And if they do have a direct effect on you and your life, they obviously don't have your best intentions in mind.

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Handle your business:

Don’t let them get to you. It’s that simple. Respect yourself and your decisions and don’t let their opinions and hate into your life.

Surround yourself with likeminded positive people. They say the 5 people you surround yourself with most will dictate where you go with your life. If you surround yourself with people constantly trying to bring you down, just exactly how successful do you think you will be? Build a support system of positivity and people that will encourage you every step of the way.

Keep a level head. Don’t give them a reason to attack you. Meaning, be conscious of what you put out there. Remember, when you put something online it is for all to see. If you can’t handle the criticism, then find different methods to get your message out there.
If you are under attack, it’s ok to stand up for yourself and your ideals. Don’t feel bad for this. However, I would recommend that you don’t waste your time with people you don’t know/online. They want a reaction out of you, and when you give in, the attacks will get worse.

Don’t respond. If you don’t respond they will eventually move on.
Love yourself, yes love yourself…It’s that simple. You know who you are, you know your strengths and your weaknesses. Once you accept your flaws and love yourself for all that you are, you take away their power.

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the F you were gonna do anyway” –Robert Downey Jr

Really what it amounts to is this. These haters only bother you because you allow them to. You have a choice every day, and every time it happens to allow the negativity into your life or not. You can’t control what other say or do, only how you handle yourself and how you respond to the given situations . If you want to better yourself, be a beacon of hope to some, motivate, educate, inspire, etc...That's your choice...Just as it’s others choice to do the opposite. If you're not hurting anyone, then don’t let someone else dim your light simply because it’s shining in their eyes. Do what makes you happy. Life is too short to be anything less.

Written by Brandan Fokken


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